The New York Times Magazine is supposed to be a sanctuary of abstraction. But Michael Pollan keeps invading it, trying to make me anxious about the most basic part of my day besides blogs: food. Last time he accused feminists of “trampling” over cooking. This time he’s laying down rules for eating. Rules?! Don’t worry, they’re packaged cutely.
“Every trip to the supermarket these days requires us to navigate what has become a truly treacherous food landscape,” he begins. Later he uses the phrase: “minefields of the modern-food marketplace.”
That’s dark. It makes you reconsider Pollan’s adorable slogan, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Guess the subtext is, “Be afraid. Be very afraid. You’re fat.”
So don’t read him! Follow my “modern-food marketplace” rules instead:
- If you live near a Trader Joe’s then buy trail mix, string cheese, garlic bread, and the TJ version of oreos.
- If you live only near bodegas then buy rolls, brie, and mint milanos.
